What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 16.06.2025 04:21
All the time i was locked up.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
How do you confront your own family for not inviting you or leaving you out of things?
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Why did i forgive my father ?
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Kristen Bell sends Adam Scott "deeply insulting" voicemails when she's mad about Severance - AV Club
But, we were locked up after school.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Why do I feel so lazy every time I get into my room?
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
We all went to grammer schools
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Comes on , in middle age.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I was very sick at this time too.
Why does my mother care about my sister more than me?
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I write beautiful poetry .
What do you think, TikTok is nothing but another porn site? Do you agree or not? Why?
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
If there exists a “New York of Australia”, is it Sydney or Melbourne?
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I waited trembling.
Especially a lifetime of it.
What movies have not aged well?
But it wasn’t much.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
She found it foreign!.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
What is the best interracial stories that you hear or know and want to share?
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Kennedy’s HHS sent Congress ‘junk science’ to defend vaccine changes, experts say - CNN
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I have no regrets .
It was going to be , some day.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
We were not on the streets..
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
So whats the point in blame.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Would this be the day?
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
And i lived it daily.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I said to her
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I never cut or harmed myself..
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
One cannot live in the past .
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
He was dying to do it , i knew.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
But ive been too sick for many years..
She wouldn,t have been !
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I could never make a relationship work though!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
She was in good health!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
He resisted the act ,that day.
I will be 64.
Ive learnt so much.
My life is so biszare .
Im still living with it.
I was scared of men, in general
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
She married twice! .
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
My mum and dad in the seventies!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
My family never makes their pension either.
When she asked me how she looked .
Where the ultimate outsiders.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
She loved him until the end.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I was seconnd youngest,
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I was 9 years of age.
(And it was in our own minds.)
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
So, i spoilt her more .
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I don,t even have a pension.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I think the readers, may guess!
He knew the spot.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Put me off passion for life!!
What did i know ?
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
As i do to all so called friends.?
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Who then, do I blame.?
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
This is soul school!.